Les femmes françaises.

Since declaring my French major and introducing this culture as a main focus of my attentions and studies, I have often found a mysterious fascination with French women among my fellow Americans. Whether they’re referring to the heroic life of Jeanne d’Arc or the daring fashions of Coco Chanel, I believe many Americans, especially woman, romanticize the idea of who French women are and what they look like. From what I have observed, French women are often categorized into the following traits: beautiful. fancy. skinny. fashionable. great in bed. lead romantically simple lives. confident but submissive. are all mistresses. So what am I supposed to think when Americans confuse me for a French native?

I can’t exactly prove if those are true or not, partially because that would require the time and efforts of answering greater questions about what makes a woman French and what French nationality really is, and partially because I don’t have the resources of observing solely “French” women – living in one of the most multicultural cities in Europe, many women I meet are not French by birth.

I have, however, made a list of observations and thoughts in response to America’s perception of French women.

DISCLAIMER: As a feminist writer, I am eager to understand and translate the culture here in France with regards to women. I have no specific thesis or aim, however, thus making my observations and unofficial research difficult. In my writing I have made many generalizations, even though I personally find generalizations to be potentially damaging and offensive. That being said, when I speak of “American women” and “French women,” I am making very sweeping generalizations that I very well understand are not applicable to every woman living in one of these two countries.  

1.) Beauty and self-image.

One of the first things I noticed about French women was that I have never seen them look at the ground when they walk. For someone who habitually tenses her shoulders, stares at her feet, and attempts to take up as little space as possible, I was impressed by the confidence that exudes from these women.

Most wear little to no makeup. I could probably count the number of times on one hand that I’ve seen a French woman with hair that looked like she did more than brush it and/or throw it up in a bun. And while they of course take care of themselves, I have never seen this obsession that many American women have with waxing and cuticle care and eyelash extensions and looking exactly like the photoshopped size zero models on the cover of their favorite magazine.

Yet these women just shine. There is something about that “so what?” attitude that makes all these women seem incredibly gorgeous. They’re not ashamed of their less-than-perfect teeth or the hair on their arms or the way their body curves (so long as you dress chic, why does it matter?).

I once mentioned to a friend here that I felt so unattractive around French women, to which she responded with a puzzled look, “Eh? Pourquoi? Je ne comprends pas.” [Huh? Why? I don’t understand.] The more time I spent with her, the more I realized that talking about your body or your looks in any bad light is not a topic of conversation among French women. Ever. You are who you are, you look the way you look. No discussion, no problems. Just buy a fabulous outfit with some rockin’ shoes and don’t give a poop about what anyone else thinks – because honestly, no one else is thinking about you the way you think about yourself.   

2.) Fashion.

Yes, those stereotypes are all very real. French women (and I would add men) are incredibly fashionable and they all take it very seriously. There is no such thing as going to the store in your pajamas or owning ill-fitted pants. I’ll give you some advice, in case you ever decide to visit France: if you’re not sure about what to wear to any specific event or place, always dress up – you’ll fit in just fine.

French fashion is perfected in its modesty. Elegant but simple, chic but practical, classic but bold. Dark colors, clean lines, many scarves. But whatever you do, don’t lose your sense of personality and originality in your wardrobe. The “look” that Americans strive for is achieved in the understanding that French women have mastered – your best dress is confidence.

3.) Sex.

I unfortunately have yet to discuss this topic in detail with many French women. The social circles I associate with here in Paris are either not French or are highly religious, which would not accurately represent the majority of the French population.

From what I do understand, sex is seen as an important and healthy part of life, and there are no strict regards to marital status. And while it is not unusual to have many sexual partners, most French women, as with many American women, seem to prefer committing to long-term relationships rather than experiencing sporadic sexual encounters. Fidelity and monogamy are honored and valued in all relationships, much unlike how Hollywood tends to portray French men and women.

4.) Views on life.

A friend and I were once discussing why French women seem so much more confident than American women in almost every aspect of life. Why do French women expect and strive for the best? Why do they not seem to care about anyone’s opinion? What are American women missing?

While I am sure there are no simple answers to these questions, I would venture to argue that these attitudes might be a result of the freedoms and privileges that women enjoy in France that America has yet to reflect in their governmental policies. They enjoy greater access to healthcare, are given much longer allowances for maternity leave, and comprise of almost half of their governing parliament. And although sexism and misogynistic attitudes are certainly present here in France, women experience less violence than in America and enjoy greater freedoms in general. (see: http://www.ambafrance-uk.org/Women-in-French-society-today.html)

So in case you were wondering, I do see it as a compliment when I’m mistaken for a French woman.